||Q: How many Masons does it take to unscrew a light bulb?
A: Its a secret!
Q: How many Masons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three. One
to screw it in, one to read the minutes of the previous light bulb
replacement, and one to sit on the sidelines and complain that this
wasn't the way they USED to screw in light bulbs.
Q. How many Masons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. After much research this tricky question can now be answered. It
takes 20, as follows:
2 to complain that the light doesn't work.
1 to pass the problem to either another committee, the Temple
Board or the Master of the Lodge.
3 to do a study on light in the Lodge.
2 to check out the types of lights the Knights of Columbus use.
3 to argue about it.
5 to plan a fund-raising dinner to raise money for the bulb.
2 to complain that "that's not the way we did it before."
1 to borrow a ladder, donate the bulb and install it.
1 to order the brass memorial plate and have it inscribed.
A man is
walking through the recreation ground of his local park
when he notices a huge fight in full fury on the football pitch he is
"What's going on?" he asks a spectator watching from the side-lines.
The other replies "It's a match between the Masons and the Knights Templar."
"What's the score?" asks the first man.
"I don't know, it's a secret."
A tired old mason whose hair was gray,
Came to the gates of Heaven one day,
When asked, what on earth he had done the most,
He said he had replied to the Visitors Toast.
St. Peter said, as he tolled the Bell,
Come inside my Brother you've had enough of Hell.
There's a man, walking down the street at 1 in the morning and he's
A policeman stops him and asks: Where are you going in that
Man: II'mm on mmyy waayyy to a lectttuurre on FFreemmassonnrrry.
Officer: Where can you possibly get a lecture on Freemasonry at this
time of night?
Man: Frromm mmyy wifffe, wwhenn I gget homme!
A little before Lodge is about to open an old man totters up to the
Tyler and says, "I'm here to receive my 2nd degree."
Well, they all look at this guy, who really is older than dirt, and
they ask him to explain.
"I was entered on July 4, 1922. Now I'm ready for my 2nd degree."
So they go scurrying for the records, and sure enough, there was his
name, entered on July 4, 1922.
"Where have you been all these years? What took you so long to be
ready for your 2nd?" they ask.
He replied: "I was learning to subdue my passions!"
A mason who had just been installed as Master of his lodge and was
duly attending all the functions he could was having a hard time with
his wife who said... " All those masters-in-office have to do is click
their fingers and you would be there wouldn't you?.........I wish I was
After due thought, he said... "So do I dear..... we swap them for
a new one every year!!"
Two experienced Master Masons were enjoying a flight in a hot air
balloon when suddenly a thick cloud formed between them and the ground.
Being without instruments, after half an hour they realized that they
were well and truly lost.
A short time later there came across a large hole in the cloud and
espied a gentleman below walking his dog across a field. They had time
to exchange pleasantries and found that he too was a member of the
The chaps in the balloon inquired of him as to their location and
received the reply, "About 200 feet up in a balloon." Just then the
cloud closed the hole and they were alone again.
One turned to the other and said, " I bet he's the Secretary of his
"Why do you say that?", the other asked.
"Well what he has told us is absolutely true - but in our present
predicament is totally useless!"
A small Lodge had had a string of bad luck. It was preparing to initiate
a candidate on a steamy evening in June and it's air conditioner had
stopped working. After sweating their way through part of the work, the
Master had asked the candidate what he most desired. The candidate
replied "a beer". At this juncture the WM., being startled, whispered
"light" to the candidate. "OK," the
candidate replied, "a lite beer."
-- Found on a cup in a Lodge in Ireland:
"OLD MASONS NEVER DIE, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO JOIN TO FIND OUT WHY